So we’ve been watching the news about this Weiner and it got us thinking about our own weiners. You see, we’ve had to take care of our neighbor’s weiner dogs the past two weeks. Ordinarily we wouldn’t, but the owners are really nice, and as Josh often points out, they’re some “smokin’ hot babes,” which is true. Ira likes Samantha and Josh likes Samantha and Candy equally. Yes, her name is Candy, and yes she is as sweet as can be. Please comment if you thought that was a terrible joke. Basically, if Ira goes for Samantha, then Josh will go for Candy. If the opposite, then Josh will go for Samantha. The truth is that they will probably never go out with us and they flirt with us so we’ll walk their dogs and pick up little pieces of sh*t all day long.
Anyway, we were walking the dogs last week, both of which look like fluffy, skinny handbags with little sausages for legs, and we were talking about all of these people lately who take naked pictures of themselves. We want you all to know that Josh & Ira have no plans for releasing any pictures of ourselves in the mirror. Ira’s skin is too pale and Josh is afraid of mirrors. It all goes back to his cousin Nick, who was killed by a giant mirror that fell off the wall of one of the rooms at the palace at Versailles in France. The mirror broke, which is bad luck to begin with, and Nick was killed, which is proof of the bad luck. So anyway, no mirrors for Josh. Unless they’re small. Really small. Josh doesn’t need them anyway.
Where were we? Oh yeah. So we couldn’t figure out why people like taking pictures of themselves so much until Ira realized that people take pictures of themselves because they’re afraid of dying. This led to an argument, but it was quickly settled with a best of three matchup over Wii boxing. The way Ira figures it, is that if people take naked pictures of themselves and then send them out over the internet, they’re assured of being remembered in their physical prime. This Weiner guy in government obviously thought that his laws weren’t going to be enough for him to be remembered by, so he took pictures of his, um, Weiner.
Anyone else not think it’s hilariously perfect that his name is Weiner? And better yet, that it’s pronounced that way? Isn’t that spelling supposed to be pronounced “whiner”? Does it matter? Is the press just going with that way of saying it? Is it true that the world is running out of helium? Why is it that European daylight savings starts a week before ours? Will they ever bring back the TV show “Dallas”? How is Ashton Kutcher going to do on CBS? Are s’mores really the best campfire desert ever invented? Is “Josh & Ira” the best show ever? Haha. That last one is a trick question. Why a trick? Because there’s no question about the fact that it is the best ever. What’s that? Oh. I guess not everyone thinks so. At least not paint huffers and glue sniffers.
Wait. What were we talking about? Josh is juggling. Now Ira is juggling. And now we’re fighting over the keyboard. AKjgfkafjkhadfhasfkjsdhfksdfjkdsf. Quit it! Okay.
So, to sum up, Weiner is a funny name for men, dogs, the thing that men have, and what you eat at the ballpark. Oh, and taking pictures of yourself in a mirror is weird. So we ARE NOT EVER going to do that. Not ever.
Thanks for watching.