The rain was pounding down, as it tends to do here in L.A. when it actually does rain, and we decided that we’d had enough of our leaky roof. So we went to the hardware store and asked the nice people there how we could go about fixing our leaks. Well, it turns out that you can have the tools and the materials to fix a roof, but there are some other things you need to be aware of.
How were we supposed to know that our roof is actually the floor of the apartment above us? If that was true, then why was it leaking during the rainstorm? Turns out that there was a leaky pipe in the middle of the floor, and that’s what was causing the problem. We thought we were being proactive by trying to fix the problem, but instead we put a dozen holes into our ceiling and about eight of them into the floor of our upstairs neighbor. Oops. You should have heard our landlady. She was like, “What happened? Why did you put these holes in the ceiling? Now there is water and dust everywhere. Oh, my, it’s all just such a mess.”
We tried to comfort her but we kept being interrupted by our upstairs neighbor who kept swearing at us and telling us he was going to do terrible things to our cat. We don’t own a cat, which we pointed out, but this seemed to make him more mad. We both laughed at the way he snorts when he laughs but this too made him more mad. Then we started laughing because this guy turns beet red when he gets really mad. Literally beet red. You ever seen a beet? Yeah, that dark red/purple that gets all over your clothes if you let it. Anyway, you know what we mean. While he was blowing a fuse and we were laughing, our landlady kept pacing back and forth, her hand on her forehead, saying, “What happened? Who is going to clean this mess up? It’s not going to be me? Do you have a cleaning insurance?” We told her, after finally calming ourselves down from laughing at our beetish neighbor, that we had no idea what cleaning insurance was. She just shook her head and shuffled out the door.
We’re not sure what the point of all this is, except we now know not to trust anyone at a hardware store and that there is something called cleaning insurance. Oh, and that some people can turn so red you would think they were about to pop. Literally pop. Gross.